I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
