Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize