I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
