Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
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