i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Dick very happy bro
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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