My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
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