Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
try to milk me bitch
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
