Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
