I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize
