i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
