So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
