then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
