do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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