I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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