wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
he told me I talked like a deaf person
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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