Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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