GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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