Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
