so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize