how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
