We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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