What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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