So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize