I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
