last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
