whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He? As in you personified your dick?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Randomize
