why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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