At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
