Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
