I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i can't believe i had my finger in that
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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