1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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