On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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