So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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