who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
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