Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
