He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
