I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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