I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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