I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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