She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
