i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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