if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
