Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
