You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Randomize
