I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
