You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
