I heard we made out
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
