I think I died a long time ago.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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