Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
