We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
