dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
