I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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