hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
So here I am, sexting at work.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
