Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I just saw a hot homeless man
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
