idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
