found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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