we made out on top of his cat.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Randomize
