You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
