He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
