just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
