ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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