My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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