I cut my penus on the lid.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
