Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
