Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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