I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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