the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
